Traffic Cop Pillows

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

'Actually, I wanted you to touch your own nose.'

"Do I know how fast I was going? Isn't that your job?"

Speed Checked By Radar.

'Can we speed this up? I'm in a hurry.'

Elf and Safety: 'Have you got a seat belt on that thing?'

"Well according to the breathalyzer you have been drinking - from the toilet."

'He wasn't distracted. He's just a lousy driver.'

'I'm writing you a ticket because your belt isn't buckled.'

"You were doing 35.001 in a 35 mile zone..."

'Excuse me, Officer. But I believe the ban is on hand-held cell phones.'

'I wasn't speeding, but I did pass two cars who were.'

'Clocked you going broadband in a dial-up zone.'

'He kept telling me to drive faster.'

Halloween health & safety.

'I know my husband and there's no point arguing with him about how fast he was going when he's drunk.'

Where is my regular man?

'You've taken a sobriety test before.'

'Don't tell me you weren't speeding back there. When you drove by me, all I could see was a blur.'

'Ok, enough of teh Ho, Ho, Ho just Blow, blow, blow!'

'Your tyres are bald.' - 'What do you want, hairy tyres?'

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

"That wasn't me, officer. That was the liquor driving."

"Let that be a lesson to you."

'You were speeding.' - 'That's right. To get away from reckless drivers.'

"I've heard some lame excuses in my time, but "I'm only 7" takes the cake."

'This is just a routine, sir - step out of the car and do the hokey-pokey.'

Inexpensive ways to slow speeders....

"Oh-now I see where we part company. You are cleaving unto the spirit of the law, while I am cleaving to the letter of the law!"

'I suppose you're going to give me a ticket.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"She's driving"

'I clocked you doing 67 in a 45, but maybe we can work something out.'

"You've got a fairy light at the back."

"The charge is driving without a tree."