Traffic Cop Pillows

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

'Actually, I wanted you to touch your own nose.'

"Do I know how fast I was going? Isn't that your job?"

'Can we speed this up? I'm in a hurry.'

Speed Checked By Radar.

Elf and Safety: 'Have you got a seat belt on that thing?'

"Well according to the breathalyzer you have been drinking - from the toilet."

'He wasn't distracted. He's just a lousy driver.'

'I'm writing you a ticket because your belt isn't buckled.'

'Excuse me, Officer. But I believe the ban is on hand-held cell phones.'

"You were doing 35.001 in a 35 mile zone..."

'I wasn't speeding, but I did pass two cars who were.'

'Clocked you going broadband in a dial-up zone.'

'He kept telling me to drive faster.'

Where is my regular man?

Halloween health & safety.

'You've taken a sobriety test before.'

'I know my husband and there's no point arguing with him about how fast he was going when he's drunk.'

"That wasn't me, officer. That was the liquor driving."

"Let that be a lesson to you."

'Ok, enough of teh Ho, Ho, Ho just Blow, blow, blow!'

"Oh-now I see where we part company. You are cleaving unto the spirit of the law, while I am cleaving to the letter of the law!"

Inexpensive ways to slow speeders....

'Your tyres are bald.' - 'What do you want, hairy tyres?'

"I've heard some lame excuses in my time, but "I'm only 7" takes the cake."

'You were speeding.' - 'That's right. To get away from reckless drivers.'

'This is just a routine, sir - step out of the car and do the hokey-pokey.'

'I clocked you doing 67 in a 45, but maybe we can work something out.'

''The GPS told me to' is no excuse.'

"The charge is driving without a tree."

"No officer, I'm not concerned that my signal lights don't seem to be working. I never use the damned things."

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"She's driving"

"You get in this car and tell me if you can hear a siren."

'I suppose you're going to give me a ticket.'