Tortoise And Hare Fan T-Shirts

"It's those creative types you ought to be checking on."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Nuts to you, too."

Yeah, I know what you're talking about: humans have an unhealthy interest in my horn too...

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

"I've got you in my sights now, Mister Squirrel, with your fluffy tail and those tiny hands clutching that itty-bitty nut. Aww, you must be hungry...poor little fella... I love you, Mister Squirrel."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Baby squirrel & Berries

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Newborn bird sees tortoise and starts wearing shell.

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

"It's unusual to see them reading this time of year."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'How's the egg?' '.Turtle crawls out'

'Multiple personality.'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Brexit Tortoise

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

Yeah, the commute is killing me too: I live a full kilometre away...

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"