Toothbrush Wizard T-Shirts

'We call her 'the Plaque-inator'. She takes on the tough cleaning jobs. . .'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Candle Portraits.

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

Whittling a forget-me-not moose for the one you adore...

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'There! Now you won't get tangles!'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...

Book publishing.

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

'I'm going to throw out my old toothbrush and get a new one.'

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

Death Watch

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

'It just needs tidying up a bit.'

'Here's a new toothbrush...I've been using that one on the dog's teeth!'

Using soft caramel as cavity wall insulation in a gingerbread house.

Remember to always brush your teeth!

'You asked for the 'Cartoonists' Cut'. You got the Cartoonists' Cut'. What's the problem?'

"Many editors take it improve their colons and semicolons."

Author discusses her next sensation novel

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

"We make all our cupcakes with love, which is way cheaper than real vanilla."

Seamus Heaney.

'Krork...so...erudite!'

"To be or not to have been...no, that won't do. To be or not to be, that is the conundrum. Hmmm..."