Tool Time Champion Pillows

"My husband said he could fix anything so if you find him, tell him he was wrong!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Award Winning Gardener

A DIY disaster.

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

D.I.Y

The Hammer

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

The Amateur Golfer

DIY horror.

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

'My axe is all dull! -- Have you been using it to shave your legs again?'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

"Bob's a tool belt."

'It's an old work injury.'

'Obviously the natives here are sophisticated tool makers.'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.