Tongue-in-cheek Dining Pillows

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Do it yourself books.

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"He decided to write a travel book..."

"He's busy cross-training. He's drinking with his left hand."

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

"Bitch."

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'

R.I.P Seth Grimthorp

Strike Action Man.

'The good news is that she gave me her phone number - The bad news is that the call will cost me twelve dollars a minute.'

"It's nearly as valuable as what we'll inherit when your mother dies - that's how much I love you."

"It must take a while for vitals to shut down, she's still texting."