Tone Detective Pillows

"The tone of the letter is stern, almost threatening, but - see here? - he signs with a smiley face, so I think we may be alright."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

"Ah — excellent catsup."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

Sigmund Freud.

"Just need a minute to send a quick email and the three hours to wonder if the tone was appropriate."

"I keep hearing this annoying buzzing noise!"

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

'No, it's not the Rapture - The kids next door got a trampoline.'

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"You fix it by buying a new one."

"It was just humming right along - then began whistling."

"Before I go in, just what did Billy Joe McCaluster throw off the Talihatchie bridge?"

Spyware is easy to see, if you know where to look.

'Well, Tom, everyone suffers from delusions from time to time.'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

Singer's shadow covering it's ears.

It began with a beep. BEEEP. What an annoying noise. Where did that come from? BEEEP. Where indeed? Join us the next few days to solve the mystery behind the *beep* as we journey into the soul of modern man. (Oh, the hyperbole!) BEEEP!

Peeping Drone

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

"Where'd you find it, dad?"

Insecurity guard: 'Are byou sure you didn't hear something- there it goes again!

'Is that true? - Did you tape over her soap opera?'

Old West Trackers. It's either ten guys on horseback or a caterpillar crawled into my ear again.

'You suck at identifying sounds!'

Computer screen registers alert for illegal entry as cops drag the computer operator to jail.

"Something's wrong with my computer so I'm using Bill's. What is incognito mode?"