Tone Analyst Pillows

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"As Tom gets nostalgic to Don McLean's 'American Pie,' baby Charles utters his first words... Too long."

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

I love Marimba

Woke Jersey Shore

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'100% Grammatically Correct Popular Tunes'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"Just need a minute to send a quick email and the three hours to wonder if the tone was appropriate."

Ralph Vaughan Williams

'I'm walking across the nation to raise awareness of my fabulous legs.'

Schenker discovers the true essence of humanity

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

Maritime Tidal News

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'Gee! I liked Muazk better than this laugh track!'

CONSPIRACY, INC: 'Right now we're looking for the cryptic message in E.I.E.I. O.'

Man awoke by phone in a dream

The following blank screen is brought to you by the Booksellers of America.

Television: Vast Wasteland. . .Vaster Wasteland.

"I just broke up with my boyfriend. He said if I really loved him, I would get a job and help him buy a car."

'It's not so much a triangle-more a hexagon really.'

"The tone of the letter is stern, almost threatening, but - see here? - he signs with a smiley face, so I think we may be alright."