Toe Tapping Comic Gifts

The untold wine-making process.

Peel poker.

'I tell you, dad, Miss Hamilton is a witch!'

'You've got lot toe!'

Dancing in a circle

Potatoes.

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

Baby crying in cot being put on 'pause' by Mum with a remote

"One checker, two packs of cigarettes, two screws, one teapot bird, one piece of coal, three lighters, one Christmas light, one clove of garlic, four boxes of matches, two books, three pieces of broken dish, eggshells, one saltshaker peg, one pen, one cre

'They're fine through the day, but when I leave work the little one goes 'wee wee wee' all the way home.'

"Look at the hayseed! He's trying to milk a tree!

'You have mistle-TOE.'

'Of all times to have a dance tune get stuck in my head.'

"I know that pretty tune! You're the bloke who tinkles away in all those tv documentaries. Irritating!"

Corn and Bunion plants.

A Toe Jam with The Hang Nails.

Podiatry. If the frostbite was any worse we'd have to amputate. You just barely stayed out of the "toe away" zone!

'It's the worse case of in-growing toe nails I've ever seen, nurse!'

Unflexible man puts shoes on stall to touch his toes.

'My doctor told me that I need to slow down. But I don't think I can.'

'. . . And for all you vegetarians out there the Venus Flytrap.'

Tonight: "Ballet." I can't understand it

Ballet Shoes

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

That's a nasty outgoing toenail you've got there.'

"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. If at some point that's no longer true, we will disconnect."

Riverdance school

What happens if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

"Why do companies put you on hold and then play that awful, garbled recorded music...?"

'It's not his six toes he's upset about...it's being told it won't make him run any faster.'

En pointe

'I suppose your wife doesn't understand you.'

"I'm celebrating one year of abstinence from alcohol."

'Don't forget! This next part has to be all your tippy-toes.'