Tobacco Executive Gifts

'Let's one-up our critics. Let's add anti-oxidants to our cigarettes.'

'Wonderful - now they won't be put off by those horrible images of diseases on the packs.'

"Doesn't look good, Archie!"

'Smoking…Not nearly as addictive as our profits.'

'We got all the nicotine out, but now it's loaded with caffeine.'

Occu-Pie Mars

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"He likes it."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Joint Ventures!

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

"Well, we can tackle this now when we're exhausted from the week or wait until Monday when we're exhausted from the weekend."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

Take me to your leader. . .

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

I am billing, therefore I am.