Tobacco Executive Gifts

'Let's one-up our critics. Let's add anti-oxidants to our cigarettes.'

'Wonderful - now they won't be put off by those horrible images of diseases on the packs.'

"Doesn't look good, Archie!"

'Smoking…Not nearly as addictive as our profits.'

'We got all the nicotine out, but now it's loaded with caffeine.'

Occu-Pie Mars

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"He likes it."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

Internet.

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Joint Ventures!

Take me to your leader. . .

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

"Well, we can tackle this now when we're exhausted from the week or wait until Monday when we're exhausted from the weekend."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'