Title Aficionado Gifts

"This is Edward the Great. I don't know any Edward the Weenie."

"I prefer the term 'barista.'"

All kidding aside, let me explain why I get to call you Al, yet you have to call me Dr. Kapuchnik. It's simply because I'm a psychiatrist and you're a bum. It's nothing personal. Thanks for explaining. I feel better.

'That's 'Lord' - not 'SLUMLORD'!'

"Want to find out if you're also king of the swamp?"

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Back to school.

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

Driverless cars rage.

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"What did you download at school today?"

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

Bot Art: After da Vinci

Treasure Island Book.

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'