Tithing Enthusiast T-Shirts

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"Amen. Please help me up."

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"You always said nothing would ever come between us."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"Hallelujah!"

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Honk if you're holy.

Got god? (no you don't...He's got you!)

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

"Now she could watch the special on root canal treatment."

Pre-nuptual Nativity

Promised Land Signpost

Worst. God. Ever.

The Pope Code

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

The Venerable Bede

Prince, another that knocks Heaven's Doors

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

'Here's a new toothbrush...I've been using that one on the dog's teeth!'

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

At home with the Pope.

God is a spider.

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"