Tiny Zoologist T-Shirts

'That's cow. What do cows say, Jimmy? Cows say moo. Look Jimmy, a chicken.'

Jr. cloning kit

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Naked Mole Rat

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

'It says here that erosion moves soil from one place to another. I thought that was our job.'

'Wanna see my tadpole collection?'

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

'White meat or dark?'

'Is that beak or are you just happy to see me?'

Ernie's spent his entire career studying one species. He says everything else is "irrelephant."

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"I tell you what, a broken tail is a major handicap..."

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

The Book Club

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

"So far so good, Bill's reverse psychology was working: no contenders had challenged him..."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'I got scared. Unfortunately, I was standing on a concrete floor at the time...'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

"Well yes, technically, I was laughing in the face of danger, but really, I was just terrified..."

Ophiologist

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

"How small will he get?"

Predator stretches

"I can't read anything right now. We have to wait a bit: Your palm is all wrinkled..."

'I hope Daddy wins the mating fight, otherwise, we'll end up with half brothers and sisters...'

"Counting the space behind the pantry shelves, it's eleven square feet."

Elephant in tail holding line has pulled tail off.

'Trust me... fat lions never attack.'