Tina Turner Enthusiast T-Shirts

Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

Small child building a large contraption from junk

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'Trucker's tan?'

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

'Another nice wave.'

'At least they did a good job on him.'

'As a kid I was always taking things apart...so, anyway, that's when my parents stopped getting me pets.'

Sunblock

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Excuse me. Anyone sitting there?"

'You're new here, aren't you?'

Tin Man Visits New York

The Tin Man really should have asked the wizard for common sense.

"You've even got me confused now but I'm reasonably sure it's 'righty tighty - lefty loosey'."

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

'We're identical twins, but I'm luckier than he is!'

'Do you want it set for light, medium or butterball?'

John Ruskin

"Rare, medium or well done?"

Gym/Tan/Donut

"Tee hee. . . Turner Prize here I come. . .!"

Twins

"Oscar has been known to reinvent himself."

Sun Umbrella

"For the last time, he didn't steal your identity. He's your twin!"

Tanning Machine on the beach

"I have nothing to hide."

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

'Stan, you are assistant bank manager now, no more sunning yourself during lunch.'