Thumbs-up Humorist Mugs

Bird's flying south.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Honest Vending

Glance Exchange

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES