Thread Maestro Pillows

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

'What does the internet have against my people?'

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

"We can't agree on a size."

Study more to pass more tests.

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Quilting Bee.

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

Man reading 'Amnesia volume 1' while having a bookshelf full of 'Amnesia Volume 1'

Setbacks in the development of the rubber mallet.

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

'I play heavy metal.'

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

Santa carrying a sack full of mail

"Now where did I park my car?"

'My job is safe. This guy is a regular and he drinks to forget.'

'Did the mail come?'

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

Man sees box on street labeled Mail-Mail.

"Something has happened to the canary."

'We need to decide where to put what's left of your money. I suggest something short-term - like your memory.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

Sewing Buddies

"Her memory's going-can I get it put right on the National Health?"

'... Well if you've got such a 'great photographic memory', how come you can't remember borrowing my camera?'

Baby driver

"I'll take 'Remembering things from more than 8 seconds ago' for $200, please."