
'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'
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'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'
"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."
"It's funny 'cos it's true!"
"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."
Buck Naked
'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'
Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.
"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"
Pie chart of pub conversations
My Folks, dressed up like Eskimos
"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"
'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'
Yeti/Not Yeti
'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'
'What I want for Christmas is a bigger carrot'
"Your online dating profile said you were a really big dill. I thought it was a typo."
"We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea."
Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.
"Damn kids and their graffiti."
Everything was fine until Becky's little sister decided to skip double.
"I was on Clinton's White House staff, but I got reshuffled."
'I'm risking my life on the high wire, and they're complaining!'
'So, Mr. Ross, you want us all to believe this murder was just a 'mistake'? Come on, Bob. Don't you really mean a 'happy little accident''
'It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is he died laughing before her could tell anybody.'
Windup yoga
'Shocked? You should be! After all those years of toil and loyal sacrifice, that's your net worth! Wake up, Fido! On Lesson Three, we'll offer tips on planning your financial future!'
'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'
'The recession is now affecting Ralph's hairline.'
Bubblewrap Supplies: Just Popped Out
'Those flashers make no sense to me. The less they have, the more they want to show it.'
'How did Mary-Lou like her first motorcycle ride?'
"And in this corner...for the time being..."
'Sorry, Ferguson -- Scoutmasters don't have the AUTHORITY to perform weddings.'
'Perhaps, Ms Schnozzola, you might want a new name to go with your new nose.'
Tooth Fairy and the Dentist.
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