Thermostat Diplomat Pillows

"And do you promise never to fight over the thermostat setting?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers.

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Playground reputation.

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

Thank you for not making faces during teleconferences with the boss.

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

"Trust me, Son, you do not want to 'grow up to be president.' "

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

You're so demanding, run it yourself!

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Click 'Like' even if you don't, but are afraid your friends will get mad if you don't.'