Therapy Topic Buff Gifts

"You stink from the head."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"Am I sensing fear?"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

'My mother was a real bitch!'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

"I feel used."

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

'I always seem to bring out the worst in people.'

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'