Therapy Nerd Pillows

"Can you please stop wiggling your nose! It's driving me crazy!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

The Computer Bore

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"Postwar is hell."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I hate Mondays.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'We have three minutes left.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"