Therapy Junkie T-Shirts

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

We're making real progress, Al. With my problems, or with the construction of your beach house?

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

'It feels like two hours of my life is missing.'

Overjumpers

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

Exercise now!

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'I hate Mondays.'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Psychiatry in the Park

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'I hate to say this but no amount of analysis is going to help; you need a better cartoonist.'

"Tap anywhere to begin."

I understand you've been feeling ignored lately – You just need to get out there and mingle.

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'My rates vary - how sane do you want to get?'

"It's like the other ones! I saw a shark! I saw a shark!"

'My power ties are demanding more closet space.'

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

"So...you don't understand why you don't have more friends?"

"Is it possible you have a desire to get caught?"

"It's my 39th birthday, and I'm not dealing with it well. What's wrong with me?"

'What magnificent whiskers My wife would never let me grow anything like THAT'

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

DNA Analysis

'And I have an overwhelming desire to be needed...'

"Sorry, I didn't realize you saw me in the stands booing you."

'You're overworked.'