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"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Yawning barristers in court

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"I got probation."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'