Therapy Couch Philosopher Pillows

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"I think your receptionist hates me."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I should've never studied canon law."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

The Three Kinds of People

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"I don't believe in egrets."

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"So that's where you were last night."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."