Theology School Admission Prints

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Moses separating his Laundry.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Bribes for Jabs

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."