Theologian's Delight T-Shirts

'I've been wrestling with my conscience, Pastor, but now it wants to make it two out of three falls.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'These bitcoins things are backed by technology and the internet! What could possibly go wrong?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

The Venerable Bede

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

"They are refering to the loaves and fishes as sandwiches."

"Everyone wants to known what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

God is a spider.