Theme Park Designer Gifts

"I was against Russo-Disneyland from the start."

In a shrewd business move, Hell enters the family amusement park industry.

'This gives me a great idea for a water park.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

Tree house.

End the Winter Blues

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Tunnel of TV

Tunnel of Like.

"Look—you can't say we don't give them fair warning!"

"Tunnel of love"

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'...Please stop the...'

Swing

Sir Desmond Murgatroyd

"Hey! I can see the Empire State Building!"

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Tunnel of Whale Guts

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Riding the Rollercoaster.

Children sitting in bumper cars playing on their cellphones.

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

The Big Game Park

"Now this is a dog park!"

Tunnel of like.

Constructing your own prison!

Funnel of Love.

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

Stock Market Roller-coaster.