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'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Is there a doctor who accepts Medicaid in the house?"

"I don't get it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I think you're the one with the biochemical imbalance."

"Page 33, line 4..."

Big deal - a guy writes a couple of plays, and suddenly he thinks he's the spokesman for his generation.

Pantomime dame: 'Has anyone seen my successful TV and film career?' Audience: 'It's behind you!'

"Do you think we could stop using 'Julius Caesar' in the role plays?"

"And now I'd like to pick a member of the audience so I can look clever and they can look stupid"

Mr Astley's Theatre

Scientific Method Acting

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

'And another thing - no more blurting out to the audience that I shorted IBM at fifty bucks.'

'Have you considered anti-depressants?'

The Mousetrap 'I reviewed it as "Thoroughly unpleasant".'

"Have you ever thought of putting them on in the park?"

A cat rejects a dog performer's act.

"Not another costume drama."

A Social Club - Aristocratic Gentlemen

'It's a Drama right? I would be great for the part: I can cry on command!'

'Greetings and welcome to my new play called 'King Lear.' It's about delegation, succession, and decentralization.'

"There's nothing like a dame!"

"I'm so nervous – my cat is here to see the play."

Ever theatrical, Einstein would occasionally disappear into another dimension, thereby breaking the fifth wall.

Mr. Mantalini poisons himself for the seventh time

Comedy / Tragedy / My 401(K)

Tragedy, Comedy, Understudy.

'The Ibsens'

3D Theatre

"Front Stalls please."

"Finding work as an actor isn't easy. Once, I was so desperate, I staged my own death ??" and still lost the part."

'Oooh, I see we have a celebrity among us tonight.'

Theatrical awards - "And the award for 'Best Support' goes to Jock Strap."

"Do my lips move when you talk or vice versa?"

'Lately I've been feeling the lure of the stage.'