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'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Is there a doctor who accepts Medicaid in the house?"

"I don't get it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I think you're the one with the biochemical imbalance."

Big deal - a guy writes a couple of plays, and suddenly he thinks he's the spokesman for his generation.

"Page 33, line 4..."

Pantomime dame: 'Has anyone seen my successful TV and film career?' Audience: 'It's behind you!'

"And now I'd like to pick a member of the audience so I can look clever and they can look stupid"

"Do you think we could stop using 'Julius Caesar' in the role plays?"

Mr Astley's Theatre

Scientific Method Acting

"Have you ever thought of putting them on in the park?"

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

'Have you considered anti-depressants?'

The Mousetrap 'I reviewed it as "Thoroughly unpleasant".'

"I'm so nervous – my cat is here to see the play."

Ever theatrical, Einstein would occasionally disappear into another dimension, thereby breaking the fifth wall.

'Greetings and welcome to my new play called 'King Lear.' It's about delegation, succession, and decentralization.'

Mr. Mantalini poisons himself for the seventh time

"There's nothing like a dame!"

A Social Club - Aristocratic Gentlemen

"Not another costume drama."

'It's a Drama right? I would be great for the part: I can cry on command!'

"Commuters"

'He's something to do with the growing trend to bring theatre into the workplace!'

Tragedy, Comedy and Resting.

Salome

Theatrical awards - "And the award for 'Best Support' goes to Jock Strap."

"I dropped my goblet!"

Pregnant Juliets nurse using police code to threaten Romeo

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

Shakespeare

The pig playwrite.

Comedy / Tragedy / My 401(K)

'Oooh, I see we have a celebrity among us tonight.'