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Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Pet a Puppy

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'I hate all holidays!'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Turmoil change.

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'I'd like to help you, but I never leave the office.'