Thanksgiving Strategist Prints

Turkey tries using a trick t-shirt to avoid being selected for dinner.

Table Plan.

'And, just like last year, a sudden rash of mysterious disappearances continues to baffle police.'

"Look, we've got to be proactive to survive this year!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'As a token of friendship we present to you this sacred albino fawn.' 'We sailed all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, and all you have is light deer?!'

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Plymouth Rock

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"It'll never be ready in time."

Beauty and the Baste

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Leave it to the school system to turn an enjoyable meal into an historical event.'

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

A sardine can combined with a cornucopia.

A football player catching a turkey

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

I used my first draft pick on the turkey leg. It's a proven point-getter! I drafted potatoes. They're not flashy but they are a reliable performer! I'll trade my cranberry sauce for you pie. It's a win-win trade that will benefit us both! No trades -- This pie will score a lot of points for me later! Why are they talking about this wonderful meal like it's fantasy football? It's not a game with winners and losers here. You're absolutely right! Just being here together sharing this meal,

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

"Something that makes me look unfit for human consumption."