Texture Analyst T-Shirts

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"States of tofu"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Texturing the Walls

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Hairstyles

'No luggage.'

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

Wearing all black

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"It seems the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist have changed places."

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

Am I in good shape, Doc? If you think "spherical" is a good shape. (Published originally on January 9, 2014.)

If you're a defendant, this necktie has 'innocent' written all over it.

'You're definitely a winter.'

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

"...international crisis, all the little flags have fallen off our map."

MD-HDTV

"Too much beige."

Knitting ball

The textural omnivore.

Two cavemen discussing a painting

The wrong suit

"Oh, my, you weren't kidding—it's just like sandpaper."

I'm afraid we are talking more of a puce, than a genuine indigo!'

Information superhighway/historical route.

"It's what you asked for. Orange juice with pulp."

Comboverandunder.