Texting Jester Pillows

'Not cars. here we're testing oblivious texters walking into walls.'

Don't text while flying.

Don't turn. I have a gun aimed at you. Hand over your wallet!

Forgot that the return key would actually send the text.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

'Any questions?'

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Hamlet meets autocorrect

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"We're bears you fool, we don't need agendas!"