Terms And Conditions Critic Prints

"I'm sorry, madam, but the use of our toys by a child voids the guarantee."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

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"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Sign our updated non-compete agreement. It now includes nasty comments on social media."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

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"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Terms and conditions

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Emotional Baggage Handler

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."