Telephone Funnies Prints

'If you've got a complaint, please press 1. If we can help you to find something to complain about, please press 2.'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"This may take a minute as my mom's menu options have changed."

'It's engaged.'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

Call centre musicians

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

iPhone Senior

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

"I'll have my people call your people."

More toxic assets.

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Armstrong, have you seen my phone? Indeed I have, minion. I've trained the caf

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

"Thank you for calling the unemployment office. No one can take your call right now, because we've all been laid off."

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

"You'll have to clarify. Do you want to speak to the head of the household or my dad?"

Willie Nelson, hold music.

"I know it was you. I have collie ID."

Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Are you dialing with hands or paws?

Misunderstood Tax Adviser: Please Leave a Gift.

"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"

'I've got to hang up now, There's someone at the door.'

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."

'It's like caller ID. You get to see who's calling before you pick up.'

"How do I get an outside line?"

"Attention - today we're using British accents, and we're doing the bank scam."