Telecom Jesters Pillows

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I hate performance review season."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

Jeff hated performance reviews.

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"Hold on, I have an announcement. Facebook password Missywillow 555, please move your car or it will be towed."

"How come all your alcohol is behind a paywall?"

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

Looking for a cool cat.

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'I ran with them once.'

Cow Printer

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

"I'll have my people call your people."

Work/Life Balance.

I'd like to check my e-mail...

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

Clown receives 'hee hee mail'.

Common tactical errors made by novice computer chess players: putting the pieces directly in the disk drive.