Teen Dynamics T-Shirts

"Tidy. Your. Room."

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

The Brothers Grime

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"He's gone goth"

PROBLEM AREAS

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Fishbowl rebellion.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

Pubertry

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.