Teen Chaos Fan Pillows

'You'd better clear out some rooms, nurse. He jumped off a bridge, and all his friends are behind him.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Family with pets.

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

I see the Boris moon arising. . .

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"You get one every time you order something online."

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

Cat attacks dog reading on a bench.

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

'Cut that out! Every time you jump in our pool, we have to refill it!'

How the mysterious global economy works: Somewhere in Singapore, a tiny butterfly flaps its wings, and within minutes, the repercussions are felt halfway around the world.

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

'Well, one of us has screwed up!'

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

Octopus Twister

"Leo and I know how much you like your Christmas sweater, so we thought we'd make you one ourselves this year."

Bad mannered dog embarrasses visiting nuns.

"The computers went down at the supermarket, and everybody took it as a signal to go ahead and loot."

"Kids burn things-if you don't like it, don't go out."

"I don't care what you say. It's not Christmas until I see the first fist fight at Walmart."

Crash venn diagram.

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

'They're not really rare books - it's that our inventory is in such disarray, they're hard to locate.'

'Don't you think that loud music will damage your hearing?'

'Wakey,wakey - we don't want to be late for Relate!'

I'm starting to think this guy has no idea how to play darts.

'You just had to start digging, didn't you?!'