Techie Banter Lover Pillows

The Smartass Phone

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"You are still here."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Washroom Doors: Men, Women, Computer Whiz.

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

AI Summit

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary: Worm Virus - Something horny worms are at greater risk of contracting if they choose to solicit the company of worm-whores without protection.

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'You are not haunted by the voices of the dead - You are tuned to four extra.'

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

'Stop! That's no way to get data into the cloud.'

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'