Tech Troubleshooting Champ Pillows

"Sarge, the computer won't let me retrieve the criminal files."

I advise not to eat jelly doughnuts while working at your computer anymore."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"Thanks for the leaf blower! I'm putting it to good use."

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

'Home office' worker's house with cable going to 'Office services companies'

'Can you show me on this dolly what Bill Gates did to your computer?'

"I can't stand this new hardware. It's much harder than the old hardware."

"Camera not working."

'Federal Bureau of Technological Compliance - May I help you?'

'WRONG PIN NUMBER!'

"This thing isn't working."

'The computer mentions 'virus' but I'm not sure whether it's in the software or you.'

Till malfunction

"Yes, I know how to fix it! I watched a 12 year-old do it on a YouTube video."

'Don't knock it. Since I put the candles up, the computer hasn't crashed all term.'

'Try rebooting.'

Wringing the Monitor

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

"Thanks to my advice your lame software doesn't work at all now? No need to thank me, sir! That's what customer service is for!"

"You have reached technical support...your call is important to us so please stay on the line..."

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

Computer technicians with too little training.

Home Business - Computer.

How to deal with wikileaks

"I can't get the thingamabob to connect with the whatzadoodle. Who should I call?"

Computer engineer who doesn't know what he's doing.

'Boss, the techies didn't install this body scanner correctly. It doesn't work.'

"You can count on two things in this life: tax code revisions and software updates."

'Just flip it over.'

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

I tapped the keys repeatedly.

"I never gave you more than you could handle. Well, except for all those passwords."

Honey? Little help in here? Prove you're not an idiot: Incorrect. Try again.