Tech-savvy Medical Professionals Pillows

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

'No, I'm not being tracked by scientists, just by my wife...'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

The Re-Opening of Schools

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"It's good to be able to recognize everyone."

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

"Raise your right hand and swear on the tablet..."

We don't use pink slips anymore. Just press 'delete' for Henderson and Philips.

Have you considered using email?

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Employee performance review software.

"We're running late. Skip the brief, just give me the tweet."

"The nice thing about being married is that I no longer feel obligated to like your posts."

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'

My wife doesn't understand my text messages.

"The healthcare industry has made a lot of advances in billing technology."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

"When you're done here can you look at my laptop?"

'That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my computer.'

"There! I've deleted you from my database!"