Tech Department Employee T-Shirts

Pocket protectors...

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'You're hired, but remember, you can be replaced by a machine...believe me.'

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

S.S.dot.com

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

"Fact amnesty"

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."

"What the hell sort of convenient new feature is this?"

"Oh, Him? That's our IT guy."

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

I'd rather be phishing.

"You are found guilty of privacy, aggravated privacy and the exercise of privacy with intent to conceal."