Tech Amateur Gifts

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

In the Guru District

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Claus 2.0

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Girl with smart phone enters door that says "Social Media Studies"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Evolution.

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Who changed the password to 'arf'?'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"Uh-oh...it's starting to delegate work to me."

Gen-Next Library

The Little Search Engine Who Could: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'