Tearful Comic Lover T-Shirts

"No, you can't go back for your sports magazine's swimsuit issue."

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

No-Work Orange

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 1: Prologue

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."