Team Leader Gifts

The blindfolded raft building team exercise ended in disaster for the snowman group.

"For God's sake, Edwards. Put the laser pointer away."

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

Communication Breakdowns

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I suggest because I'm the boss and I say so. Or, #2: I launch into an excruciatingly dull, long and detailed presentation explaining my position. You decide."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"None opposed? Good -- then the motion is carried to double the workload."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

'Apparently many companies experience problems including: a lack of direction, poor accountability, lack of respect among members, pushing personal agendas, poor communication ...'

"Who called this meeting again?"

"Obviously, we need to readjust to in-office meetings."

We can do ANYTHING if we all work TOGETHER.

"Sometimes I think the collaborative process would work better without you."

"You'll find it's more effective if we all pull together."

Come over here.

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Let's begin our meeting. . . everybody talk, nobody listen.'

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

'That went well.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'Miss Wilcox, send in someone to blame.'

'See how much easier it is when we all work together.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

'To improve our teamwork, only three chutes will open.'

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I like things to be done my way but by somebody else."

'I think he needs to work a little more on giving feedback.'

Performance Management: "Jump!"