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"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

A Puppet Named Juan

Butterfly Woman

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

Kirsten Johnson

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

"Just the galoshes and coat, Timmy."

"...and smoking is forbidden behind the scooter shed"

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"I believe teacher is beginning to rub off on me."

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."

If-you're-happy-and-you-know-it hour.

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

"If you wish to see your artwork displayed, don't forget your bio."

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, they hit you with algebra."

Congratulations on your PGCE.

You need to learn punctuation. I'ts, important later! 'in life'

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

Mental Health Care

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"Can you help me, Mrs. Green? This wasn't covered in any of my education courses!"

"Hi, Honey, so how's the new teaching job going?"

Teachers' Training Toughened: 'Sorry I'm late, I had to help one of the student teachers with their homework.'

"He's not much of a hunter, but he's great with computers."

The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.

'When I pick my nose, it means I'm going to object.'