Teacher Whisperer Gifts

"Call the superintendent! We have teacher burnout!"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

Licensed Therapist

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Canine Companion

'Bert's dog training.'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting