Teacher Life Humorists Pillows

"It's only the first day, so I haven't had a chance to learn all your names yet!"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Math Teacher

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Did you know there's a river in Brazil named after Amazon?'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'People, get a half-life!'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."