Tax Savant Pillows

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

'Keep a stiff upper lip, Mr. Haskins. That's all you get to keep.'

'Your Congressman is a very good friend of yours? Excellent! -- We'll audit him, too!'

"I suppose you have the receipts to qualify your deductions?"

'Son, you've been a good tax deduction, but now you must join your kind in the work force and prop up my social security.'

"You found another deductible receipt."

"The guy didn't take even one unauthorized deduction. . . I ask you, what kind of American is that?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

'Do you, John, accept a married tax allowance with Sandra ?'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"It's no use, Super Rich! Your labyrinthine, yet entirely legal tax structures are too powerful for me!"

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

Footing The Bill

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'