Tax Return Troubadours Pillows

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir - Just have a seat and don't make any funny moves."

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

'I.R.S short form.'

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

"Head of household? Now, who would that be?"

"Could I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax."

'One day, this plant will have roots strong enough to lift up the rock. So, calm down and be patient.' (Sign reads 'Will work for food')

Uncle Sam.

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'

"Post traumatic 'Below cost basis' syndrome - it's a common affliction of investors."

'I'm afraid your £20,000 fine for employing an illegal worker isn't a legit taxable expense.'

45% of my bonus goes to taxes.

"I know you all paid your taxes last month, but since then we've had tax reform!"

'The 22% tax I understand, but who gets the other 78%?'

IRS, 'Well, don't just sit there -- Go out and earn some more money!'

"May I keep this to hang up on my wall? It's a real doozy."

'if I didn't know those guys were public servants, I could swear it was the other way around.'

Dear Sir, We have misused all of the money that you sent us and we need you to send us more. Thank you, Internal Revenue

Remember, Art, statistics, credits and debits are in the eye of the manipulator.

'I know that it's hard, Fred, but we all have to give our first Tax Rebate sometime. . .'

'You've done this before.'

'Dr. Jekyll, how well do you know this Mr. Hyde who prepared your taxes?'

'I'd like the short form instead.'

"Do you think I could claim depreciation on my worn out hip?"

HM Inspector of Taxes - Please help yourself to tissues.

New simple easy-to-use tax forms...

'I'm writing an insomniacs guide to beating the IRS.'

"It started out as my itemized deductions, but it's turned into a novel."