Tax Jargon Juggler Gifts

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'

'It's tax avoidance crackdown avoidance.'

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

'The all bad news is, the last check that bounced, you sent to the IRS.'

"Lessee ... I suppose my current income is around ... "

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

'Please enter the amount owed here...use an extra sheet of paper if required.'

"I'm a lawyer of 20 years standing...!"

'Can you make good money as a salesman for our company? Let's put it this way - look around you!'

"I've never objected to paying tax... as long as it's other people paying."

And why are you enrolling in an accounting course? Well, one day...I hope to get a loophole named after me.

"Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax. Not having to pay it."

IRS, 'About this new tax plan -- I'd like to volunteer to be in the control group.'

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

'Can I protect my assets through moral bankruptcy?'

"We take a very dim view of these kind of tax evasion tactics, Mr. Jones!"

'Ethelred - What we're offering is the chance to consolidate all your Danegeld payments into one manageable lump sum.'

IRS, 'You were wrong -- they WEREN'T more afraid of me than I was of them.'

Where THEY work.

"I'm a surrogate birth mother for hire. How do I claim my income?"

Tax Loopty Loopholes