Tax Form Maestro Gifts

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"We need to cut costs, so I will show good leadership and will not drink champagne for lunch everyday. I will drink Prosecco instead."

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

Records?

Okay, let's see...who's on tap to update our progress with that hostile takeover?

The merger hits a snag.

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

Fat happy businessman with a euro coin printed on his chest

"...And please let the merger do through!"

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

IRS: April is the cruelest month.

I was a day late and a dollar short, but it was a personal best!

Just Merged.

'Overwhelm the facts with interpretation and have it on my desk Thursday.'

Accountants can be fun!

Remorse code

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

'It's not a stick-up, it's a merger offer.'

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

'This is where we merged our 'creative' and 'accounting' departments.'

Chinese business cuisine.

Door to business for corporate consolidation attorneys with many names on it.

'You're in great shape! You've got years of hostile take-overs ahead of you.'

'At least I understand the form this year.' - 'Perhaps it's time we improved it again.'

'The negotiations would go quicker if you'd stop flicking lit matches at me.'

'. . . and 14% said they didn't own a TV set, although I could hear it in the background!'

'Just a personal question - who audits your tax return?'

Armstrong Maynard, proprietor of our humble cafe, is swept up in merger frenzy. Armstrong says we're taking over the little guy. We are the little guy. There are littler. Even he wouldn't ... I'm taking you out. I don't wanna be acquired. Lemonade 50¢

"Hey, you're good! I could do with someone like you who knows all the loopholes."

Next year, taxpayers will have the option of donating their tax refunds to save the shrinking surplus.

"I can't believe you! You say you can take a perfectly nice car, add tinted windows, fancy wheels, a spoilers...and turn it totally guy? Not that, you know, there's anything wrong with that."