Tax Elf Pillows

"I need a CPA to help me find the bad ones hiding in tax shelters."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

'Tax.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"I now represent both death and taxes."

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

Monster under the bed.

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'...And to spare my relatives the burden of inheritance taxes, I've decided not to give them anything.'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'Dad's saying he controls my allowance because of something called the Commerce Clause.'

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

Romney Tax Desk: Accounts Receivable...Accounts Believable.

'I wanted a few words about your tax return - have I called at an inconvenient time?'

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."

"No the you shop noise doesn't bother me. This protects me from the incessant Christmas music."

"I'd like to put the past behind me, but the IRS won't let me."

"My accountant said it was a great write off."

"How much sugar do you take, twenty percent, or forty percent?"

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

'What we need is a tax on stupid ideas. The revenue out of Washington alone would balance the budget in two years.'

'When I die please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. Write on the envelope, now you have everything.'

"Inland Revenue office. 'Excuse my maths won't you?'"